kt tunstall is awesome.

it's interesting to me that pain is the only emotion that we also associate with a physical reaction. stubbing your toe is a painful experience, not a 'happyful' one ; when you burn your finger on the stove, you are in pain, not in 'mischief,' and certainly not 'in love.' it's the only emotion that is so vivid we demand a physical metaphor, too. pain is it's own emotional gambit on a far larger spectrum. so let's dissect.

whether inflicted upon ourselves or hurt by others, the results are the same. someone has to be forgiven and/or you need to move on. i hope most people are able to forgive themselves for their own wrong doings, although this may be the more difficult option. you don't have the confirmation of an outside source telling you it's okay. and you may not think it is okay. but revel in the mistakes that got you there. study them. learn from them. and do your best to move on--it's the only thing we can do. other wise you battle your own conscience, you get stuck in an unbreakable cycle of self loathing, and you miss out on all the good stuff while you are miserable in the corner somewhere, probably playing excessive amounts of guitar or eating too way too much food, and reading advice books, or better yet, blogs about life =]

as for the pain others inflict upon you? that seems to tell the same story, except you have to communicate how you feel, which is extremely different. and a difficult task. because sometimes there are no words. and no matter what emotional lexicon you sift through, sometimes you walk away baffled and emptyhanded. it's amazing when others can find the perfect words to hurt you but you *can't* find the word to say how your image of them just became so very skewed.

but what do you do when someone you care about is in pain? or worse, what if you are the one that caused the pain? sometimes there are no words for that either. and god knows you cannot take them back. so if it is our fault, we come up with a million synonyms for 'i'm sorry.' including but not limited to 'yo, i'm really sorry' or 'i'm so freakin sorry dude' or 'I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY.'

and if the cause is something else? you say the things that everyone says, even if you don't really mean them. she's a bitch. i'm really sorry for your loss. he's an asshole. it's not your fault. cancer sucks. it'll be okay in the end. etc. and although this can come across as meaningless drivel to the person in pain, why do you think we came up with such artificial phrases? we all seek a little comfort in these conventional words, even if we don't buy into them.

which leads me to KT tunstall:


-k.