loss. but like in a healthy way.

i have a stubborn extra 20 lbs or so that sticks around and i'd like for it not to.

there. i said it. or typed it. and now it's real. and now i have to address it.

for a while now my weight has fluctuated above where i want it to. i'm not at any serious health risk. i don't cry every time i need to by a new pair of jeans--but i'd like to shop at the same stores as the skinny bitches that i hate. it's never prevented me from tackling any waves at family reunions and other various beach trips, but i'd like to look as pretty as the rest of my stunningly attractive family. my level of yo-yoing is nowhere near that of Kirstie Allie, but i'd rather be Jenny McCarthy. okay that would take a LOT of work, but you get the idea.

i live on 88th street and my gym is on 86th street. i am currently unemployed, which means i have a ton of time on my hands. i live with my vegan-yoga-doing sister, which means everything in my apartment is relatively good for me and i have an accountability partner. she's also that skinny bitch who i'd liek to shop at the same stores at. there are really no excuses, and i don't want to manufacture one. the only person who can jumpstart me is myself, and i have a lot of gas in the tank. my time (and john cena's time) is now. this makes perfect sense to most as i'm a 22-yr-old girl in the best city in the whole wide world (fact). but in some ways, regardless of where you are, this opportunity to better yourself is always there. i exercise my mind by writing. i exercise my spirit through connectivity and prayer. i need to exercise my body with cardio (preferably while watching bad music videos or The Biggest Loser) and my lame upperbody 'strength' (preferably when nobody else is at the gym to see how much weight i cannot lift).

i'm not a hugely religious person, but i am a spiritual person. as many around me are giving up something for lent for in the light of bettering themselves/for Jesus, I too am taking better care of myself. there is no reason I can't give an elliptical and my physical self an hour of my time when I can give others/Olympics figure skating hours of my time. it's been said that crawling your way back to balance isn't easy. it's seems like once you get there, it gets easier to stay. i should have learned this on the see-saw in third grade. i guess Mrs. Terela can only get through to me via long division and simple predicates.

-k.