my trendy outfit and bangin' eye make up were spoiled by a fresh blanket of Binghamton snow. i missed the ball drop as i was driving on a treacherous black sheet of glass back to my house after an abbreviated session of new guitar hero--full band (diluted much?!) maybe it was divine blog intervention. after all, if you aren't reflecting on your life at new year's, what kind of life-reflector are you.
it's only natural. it's only natural to compare who you are now as to who you were a year ago. it's only natural to think about what happened in the past year to put you at this moment. it's only natural to think about last year's resolutions. it's only natural to reflect on what you accomplished and what you "failed" at. and it's only natural to think about how your life is "supposed" to be.
i'm neither an anthropologist nor an ethnographer, but i don't think that you have to be to realize how insignificant we as individuals are the grand scheme of things. and what is so grand about this scheme we don't matter as simply ourselves? what is so grand about playing the role of an unseen atom--only visible to the most powerful microscopes and the keenest eyes? that we have minimal say. what we perceive as"supposed to" is a fallacy no matter how hard we believe otherwise. "supposed to" is who you are right here, right now--regardless of what anyone thinks--even you. otherwise, why would it be so? no matter how right the puzzle fit together before, or how pretty the painting was before it smeared (or that painter with the afro--bob ross--painted a giant tree over it)we are exactly where we are supposed to be. even if it doesn't feel that way.
this is merely a hypothesis, but i have a lot of evidence.
if it was supposed to be some other way, then why isn't it this oh so correct alternative? i think that's why we have such little control over our own lives. there will always be doubts. i could have done more, i should have said less. but i'm starting to believe, slowly, that everything is going according to your plan--even if it wasn't what you planned.
people are in your life for a reason, even if that reason is to kick them out of your life to make you stronger. tragedies trap you because they teach you how to escape. they teach you how to appreciate what is good. they teach you how to learn from your mistakes. they mold your character, and if you are lucky, strengthen it. places happen for a reason--a highly underestimated concept piece of fate. why am i in new jersey? why do i hail from upstate, ny and the carousel capital of the world? so i can meet who i should, so i can learn what i must, and so i can grow, grow, grow. and how can you determine where you are supposed to be without a setting? a cast? a plot?
i RARELY and STRONGLY ADVISE AGAINST turning to "South Park" for religious advice. but one of the show's writers, trey parker, discussed his views on religion in an interview. he said "i think there is something greater going on--that's as far as i can go. there are a lot of ridiculous stories, but i think the most ridiculous story is that this all happened 'just cause.'" i agree with this mentality. fighting over religion is like fighting over who has a better imaginary friend--but believing that there isn't a greater plan and that this is all a giant coincidence is impossible to me.
have faith in 2009. even if you aren't quite sure what to have faith in.
-k.
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