on the coffee table in my apartment is a glass jar, hoarding a collection of face up pennies. i am a believer in lucky pennies. my whole family has been for a while, as they so often appear at too coincidental and opportune times. so, to prevent my luck from being contaminated by ordinary change, they have their own home, far away from my wallet and collection of quarters for laundry and/or the parkway. THIS change would pollute my lucky pennies. those who read this blog regularly will notice that my lack of an EZ pass has been the bane of my driving life for a while now, and that i should just hook up this ticket to freedom on my windshield.
carrying on..
i'm a believer in signs and an overall suspicious person, as many sports fans are. my open umbrellas remain outside. i avoid ladders as if they carry diseases. i think every song i hear after a break-up or the start of a new relationship is handpicked by the iTunes gods. i don't think it's a coincidence that Alex Rodriguez is #13 and N E V E R clutch. my mirrors are VERY carefully mounted. if you are a black cat, get the HELL out of my path.....you get the idea.
staring in front of a computer screen, critiquing employment search engines with excruciating detail and the finest tooth comb EVER kills the motivation of an unemployed 20 something year old. at least one that did three internships in a row and was used to being preoccupied with employment or class 12 hours a day.
i think to believe in signs you have to be a fairly optimistic person. i AM credible and qualified in optimism as i won an award from the Optimist Club in 8th grade as well as was voted Most Optimistic in my Yearbook notables. if this unemployment deal persists, i may go back for a P.H.D.
but, even the most qualified waiver sometimes. recently, when i wake up (later than i should be) i've pried my eyes open with pessimism and bitterness. it's one of those stale-flavored ruts when your routine is so colorless, and well, routine. your bed gets really comfortable and you wonder why you should leave it when you have a laptop and that's where the jobs are. it's simply Garfieldian, although i favor curly spaghetti over lasagna any day. so when washing the dishes in the sink is an overwhelming task in your robotic state, only you can remind yourself that the glasses you are washing are indeed half full. unemployed, unmotivated, and unmyself can lead to some low points. but never, EVER did i think that i would steal from a homeless person by accident.
during this rut, i have also been in a lucky penny drought. i think this goes back to my pessimism, which is worse than a lack of optimism, because you are specifically manifesting a negative outlook, in which case nothing you are looking at will ever snap you out of your blatant depreciation--which isn't always something we can catch or are aware of. if you aren't going to believe, why would the signs show their face? they're offended. at the risk of sounding like an overhopeful Mets fan who perpetually invests in heartbreaking teams, 'Ya Gotta Believe.' these mets fans are both admirable and stupid. they are eternally optimistic and perpetually invest in a franchise that fails them, typically clinging to the glimmer of hope that *is* their second half of the season surge. and they can't claim ignorance--it happens EVERY year! thankfully, i'm a yankee fan, so the years of disappointment are fewer--they just come with a much higher payroll and the staple of losing to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. (really? did anyone other than me realize that when you translate their name this dubs them 'The Angels" Angels of Anaheim? ridiculous). recently, i took my cousin to a make up game from a 4/20 rain out against the Oakland As--a make up game that was delayed 2 1/2 hours from rain itself. we still stayed the entire time. (see what an easy name Oakland has--even in the same state?) as good ticket karma would have it, my aunt (said cousin's mom) won tickets to yankees vs. red sox, and he took ME, officially deigning him my favorite cousin.
trying to camouflage with the rest of New York City, i was babbling on about nothing on my cell phone as i made my way toward the B & D trains.
and there it was. the sun was glaring off of it's shiny copper exterior as i gladly invited it's blinding power. my lucky penny drought had ended. clearly this was God's way of telling me Burnett was going to be FILTHY and snap the 0-8 Yankee losing skid against the red sox. my fingers curled around the edges of my valiant symbol of hope, palms sweating with excitement and humidity from the heavy air. my pointless cell phone conversation and bliss were suddenly interrupted by a homeless woman about three feet from the landing site of my lucky penny. she had apparently dropped all of her change, and my lucky penny, was apparently not mine, but hers. she informed me of this my shouting various expletives down 30th street. i try to avoid adding spice to my writing through cursing, but for the sake of a vivid picture, she was a portly woman who stirred the 'F' word in with curse words that rhyme with 'snitch' and 'grunt'. call me a sixth grader, but in the heat of the moment, i quickly ran away, as she scared the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of me. if i collected myself, i quite clearly would have given her the penny. she needs it's luck and numerical value more than i do. but instead, i robbed a homeless person.
when i landed on the Yankee Stadium grounds, i found two other lucky pennies, which made my superstitious soul spring with joy, as i understandably felt that the first lucky penny of that day was somewhat...tainted. signs don't feel as fate-filled when when you are berated by a homeless woman in the process. it just feels like you cheated, and that perhaps that penny was a new ticket to hell.
not only did A-ROD of all people (who may or may not have a soul) validate this luck with a bottom of the 15th, two-run HR, but the slap in the face of the questionable penny that started this spree reminded me that even in the midst of a lucky penny drought, i am a LOT better off than many people, and also, that the drought is incredibly temporary if you have a just have a little faith. perhaps that's why my cousin found two in McDonalds after our faith in Yankee Nation was rejuvenated by such a nail biting win.
that day at Yankee Stadium, i dropped a regular penny as a pathetic and feeble attempt at compensation for my theft just hours before. this penny very well may have been swept away with broken beer bottles and peanut shells that coat the yankee stadium concrete. but maybe it will remind someone else of what they have--assuming that they don't wrestle someone less fortunate to the ground for it.
-k.
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Now playing: Dave Matthews - So Damn Lucky
via FoxyTunes
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