fenksponse

chances are if you are reading this, you have heard my shameless plugs of the writings and musical stylings of bryan fenkart. and if you resisted, i probably thrusted them upon you anyway. so, it was probably little to no surprise to most of you that his writing would cameo, without his express written consent, on my blog. i am not a clepto-blogger, i give credit where it's due, especially when i steal content from someone who is a friend of mine and/or knows where i live.

the sheer entertainment and all too sensible observation of bryan's last blog (www.bryanfenkart.com) explains not only his cyncial yet learned attitude toward relationships, but also the lyrics behind his song 'emptyhanded.'

i will echo his sentiments through out the week based on my favorite parts of what he says. why those? because it's my blog and i get to choose.

first we will start with 'damage is sexy.' how do we get here?

damage is a lot of things. first and foremost, it's damaging. i just broke the cardinal rule of defining a word by using the said term which you are trying to define--but hear me out english teachers.

so maybe you weren't startled, falling off your chair and running to stop the e-presses when you read that damage is damaging. but what i find staggering is how damage manifests itself into a monster, slithering through whatever door we foolishly and optimistically trick ourselves into thinking we can close. but the damage is an infestation of the soul, eating away at our floors, overpowering our tallest walls, and dimming our brightest lights. and the more you hide this damage--the deeper you barricade these skeletons in the closet--the stronger their bones grow back.

if you find this concept not to be true, good :) you probably haven't had to deal with a really painful break up. and furthermore, even if it's not true, i can cut my bangs and buy some converses, because 'my damage is a disease' could be some basement emo band's next song. except that the song title still isn't long enough.

if you do find this to be true, then good because it leads into the dichotomy that you are unique--just like everyone else. everyone is their own. every relationship is their own. and so, like a true hopeless and wide-eyed romantic, i contend that every true, great love is it's own. but every break up is the same. why? because the underlying common thread is that everyone had their own, personal, fantastic love--and so follows fantastic heartbreak for all break ups.

but true love carries both personal and interpersonal weight, so everyone thinks that their relationship is the incomparable, matchless romance. you know it was the epitome of all relationships because it made us better individuals who could stand on our own but not let a facade of pride obstruct a level of co-dependence.

and you won't bother opening up, because nobody else will ever understand, right? hell, maybe nobody ever really will. but the fact that seemingly everyone feels that they are the exception is a good indicator that none of us are, and that your circumstance is both harshly felt and relatable. so your story carries a personal element that nobody but you can quite grasp. but also, on some level, we all know exactly what you are saying. and you should take comfort in this ordinary milieu rather than pretend you are the exception. it speeds up the healing process. but if you do insist on claiming that you are the exception, you could probably write a hit for 'my damage is a disease.'

to me, damage presents itself in three forms.

first, damage as baggage. this is the most obvious and tangible way that damage is damaging. the shot of pain to a vulnerable heart. OW. it sucks, but unlike the upcoming forms, we come to expect it because it is simply the territory that comes with 'the end.' it is the painful result that you were clawing away from, meandering back and forth in a path of avoidance that ultimately led to this hurtful conclusion. sometimes we end up here after taking a wrong turn. but often times, the path was predetermined, or you made a right turn, and this was the heavy sacrifice that you had to bear on the way.

second, damage as protection. it is natural that we want to conquer our damage, so it seems we let people scratch the surface. but no matter how they pry this window of insight into you, we shut it. break their fingers off. lock it. maybe seal it up for winter. and hope that someone is romantic enough to throw rocks at it someday and bust it open. but they better have a hell of an arm. peace out, johnny damon.

it's odd that when we have everything to lose, we allow that amazing significant other to suck out our open soul. time after time. and even if they walked out of your life and came back, you would still give them the power to once again achieve vacuum status. yet when a relationship superhero could be flying in to save the day, and we feel like we've already lost it all, we simply refuse to let THAT person under our skin. why? because moving on is scary. and further more, that means forfeiting the image of you and the perfect significant other. and boy, are they significant.

third, damage is sexy that you give into. whether bitterness is subconsciously haunting us and we are taking it out on our new romance or we just cannot adjust and make the merri-go-round leaps of relationship-single-hooking up-dating-relationships, new unhealthy habits form. we cleverly disguise how weird/wrong dating someone new feels in mind games and a non-committal lifestyle, chock full of decisions we know we ultimately should avoid. but we also know we are young enough that we don't have to acknowledge that we know better. and all the other person wants to do is fix you. you are a project. you are a muse. you are addicting. and most of all damage, you are sexy.

as for the infestation of damage? i only have experience with bed bugs. but it seems like we better open up the door, invite your damage in, and let it stay for tea. that way, we can deal with the awful pain head on and stop masking it in booze and pints of ice cream...mostly. unfortunately, that means breaking the well oiled damage machine. which is a difficult process that depends on both you and outside circumstance.

but mostly, you.

and hey, the only thing sexier than damage may just be normalcy.

-k.
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Now playing: The Script - Before the Worst
via FoxyTunes