fenksponse part deux.

"There are 2 classic stereotypes: guys are assholes, girls are crazy. Both of these things are true."

this should be fun.

when bryan noted the validity of these stereotypes, i knew i could provide ample amounts of evidence in support.

for the most part, i've always been a 'guys' girl. i swear, i'm obsessed with the yankees, i think family guy is hilarious, i've picked up a WWE habit--oh, and also i can't stand my own gender for the most part. you will see why.

let's start with guys are assholes. obvious choice. it was mentioned first, and ani difranco came on my itunes.

token girl comment: all guys are liars. bryan mentioned that all men claim they want the most intelligent girl, who challenges you in a healthy way, but maintains a warm heart. in actuality however, guys:

inevitably and instinctively go for the hottest girl in the room, or at least the one showing the most skin, who laughs at everything he says, even if it's just a quote from Tommy Boy screamed loud enough to be heard over the thumping deep house music and raucous cheering coming from the direction of the keg.

not only do i find this funny, but it's true. because when a guy is at a bar, he knows that his easiest target is the chick in high heels, a miniskirt and an oversized beaded necklace whose skin is tinted orange from the tanning salon and whose hair-dyed roots glisten under the strobe light. she sings along, but doesn't actually know the words to whatever blaring bruce springsteen or tom petty cover some mediocre band is doing an incredible disservice to. normally she seeks out guys dripping in sweat and hair gel, sporting too tight polos with popped collars and gold chains. but there you are--and if she can cut through that maze of shutter shades, and swim through the intoxikating (spelling pun very much intended, as all of my puns are)and overwhelming bath of Abercrombie cologne, she will think you, and all of your friends, are SO funny.

and when i say easiest target, i mean it in both the obvious ways, and that they are the easiest to be around. she can't see through your baggage, bullshit, damage, etc. or chooses not to in the hopes of scoring a free Lemon drop that she will probably do off of her friend's body. she will drunkenly stumble down one of two paths (assuming she makes it down the flight of stairs without breaking her leg first). she may use you for free alcohol, making a friendly departure, ignoring you for the rest of the night (a personal favorite)but promising you a facebook friend request the next morning. or, she will pretend to be timid, but concoct a grinding/dancing? sandwich between you and a friend. not only can she maintain her balance between you two, but she can, like, totally hook up with you if she wants, but still has her friend to save you in case you find someone else or cut off her alcohol flow. if you do find someone else, she will call that girl a slut, talk about how stupid her outfit is, and her friend will tell her how you weren't that cute anyway.

why were you wasting your time with this girl, other than the fact that her cleavage was on display like desserts in the rotating glass stands at truck stop diners? because she won't get close enough to hurt you. and depending on how fried her brain is from the tanning salon, she may be too dumb to try. but sometimes that makes her the smarter one. not because she is intelligent, but because she won't overextend herself into a vacant cause.

'asshole' guys tend to be more guarded and keep their emotions in the shadows. then, girls will whine that 'guys won't let them in,' and they are right. guys will then reply by telling you not to be a controlling bitch and that they don't actually have emotions. guys are just more logical, and 'don't want to talk about it.' and this mentality makes you more of a man.

no it doesn't. it makes you a wuss who won't let your guard down, take a risk, and trust again. and you would never admit it was from previous heartbreak either. ultimately, because then you would have to talk about it, and admit that you got hurt. and that's just not what tough guys do. they work on cars, and eat red meat, and tell girls to get lost when they 'JUST WANT MORE!' they will grab a few beers with the guys, talk about how jealous and psychotic you were, and then go find a new girl and coverband. rinse. repeat. so, you're kind of a jerk.

so how do women get deigned as the intolerable ones in my perspective? because from my experience, some crazy bitch drove a guy to be this asshole. perhaps it's more give and take than i have seen, but chicks thrive off of drama and the grey area shelter it provides. the truth is, guys do tend to be more logical, simple, and straightforward. girls tend to be more emotional, and so they are quicker to be unsatisfied with the status quo. so, when most guys are happy with what is supposed to be comfortable, girls unveil a plan for unrest and manufacture drama. the level of crazy varies, but generally remains stealthy enough to keep the transformation from healthy to unhealthy masked under the I'M CRAAAZY blanket.

and what a metamorphosis it is. everything a guy was doing suddenly cannot quench your insatiable thirst anymore. girls are suddenly sick of everything a guy was doing, and his adorable habits are suddenly annoying. the safety that you found in your stability now makes you yawn. you unnecessarily nitpick at meaningless aspects and nag about things he's been doing all along, which used to be fine. then, you complain that he won't spend any time with you. well maybe it's because you went nutso, lady. and girls wonder why guys just won't trust them when they won't stop analyzing their guy's coping habits to his new found not good enough status, and have their computer screens constantly monitoring every social media move.


STOP. BOTH OF YOU.

heal. grow up. take risks. trust. recognize a good thing when you have one. and break the cycle. and fly free from the obxious routine that IS the relationship cocoon.

-k.
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Now playing: Ani DiFranco - 32 Flavors
via FoxyTunes