'that's life'

it seems everything clicks at once. the job, the significant other, the apartment, the inner peace which is ultimately your inner piece.

it seems to all go to shit at once. the economy, the people you were blissfully getting started with, the bed bugs if you haven't yet learned that not manhattan is prone to them again.

our control in these endeavors ranges, and it is the uncontrollable that really pisses me off.

i am not a control freak. but i think by nature we secretly all are a little bit. unless you are one of those weird drifter people who doesn't ever have a home and is on constant vacation because establishing roots 'just isn't their thing.' we are not control freaks because we are power hungry, but because the feeling of not being in control that shakes the comfort out of us. somewhere there is a happy medium. when you find it with a job, you are probably one of those rare people who genuinely gets to 'do what they love' rather than just tells themselves this to get through the 9-to-5. when you find it with a person, you are in love. when you find it with an apartment, you never want to move (and are also in love). the fact that these always seem to coincide, at least in my life, are ultimately what create 'highs' and 'lows.' it's why people come up with cheesy catch phrases/advertising slogans that make you millionaires like 'life is a journey--enjoy the ride.' no offense nissan, but kiss my ass. life as a journey, or a rollercoaster, or a highway if you are tom cochrane is easy. the 'lifeish' part of it is understanding that life seems to be a constant series of adjustments until each piece falls into place, or at least into balance. which is why i suppose so many people get close, but not too close, to love, and live in moderate one bedrooms in Queens, and work at jobs that take up most of their week that they are okay with. they try and manufacture their own balance in a form of settling. i'd rather power through the pain and be more genuinely happy. i think either approach is okay as long as you are satisfied and aren't wading, stuck in the pain.

i don't think you should never be open to what feels comfortable, because then ultimately you never will be. embrace comfortable and secure. but if it's dislodged, work and adjust. if you can't hit the curveball life throws at you, you can't make it in the big leagues. unless you are alfonso soriano in his first season somehow.

a friend of mine recently told me the phrase "try again. fail again. fail better." it's time to learn each time.

-k.