triangles.

you learn about triangles during that crucial stage of development when you are about five and in kindergarten and learning about shapes and colors. then you start to see them all around you as a kid, like when your mom cuts your sandwich in half or you see a yield sign. triangles then make a valiant return in geometry, where i spent the majority of my time cursing at them.

then, when you finish reading eat pray love and feel contemplative and overwhelmed while walking the reservoir at Central Park, you reflect on the Health textbook version of the mental/emotional, physical, spiritual triangle. my triangle sometimes looks more like the skewed food pyramid on the back of cereal boxes than the three separate but equal pieces that they are intended to be--Jim Crow laws fail again.

i feel like i am clearly tuned into one part while i lose reception entirely on the others. i either spend too much mental energy on myself, or more commonly the others in it, i spend too much time trying to figure out faith, or i never want to get off the elliptical. although my poison is not uncommon, it is frustrating, and even though i am increasingly aware of it, fixing it is still a brutal process. the harmonious feeling that overcomes you when these three components strike a balance is euphoric. maybe that's why it's so rare; if these things were always in balance, we'd do less work for ourselves and take for granted the importance of self priority. it gives us something to strive for.

sometimes striving is really frustrating. recently i have learned how to surrender. you can only control what's under your nose, and it's no coincidence that looking down your nose means your head is tilted up. we can only let go. sometimes i am a woman who does too much, which is funny because it leaves you not doing anything at all. it leaves you asking what if. it leaves you scripting out conversations that you will probably never have. it leave you on the backburner when you should be on your own front, firing on all cylinders. it leaves you envisioning what you would do as the protagonist instead of being it. it leaves you picturing your life instead of living it.

seize where you are with a big picture in mind. if we stop clinging to what we assume is ideal and loosen our grasp, it allows for surprisingly refreshing breathing room.

if you can't breathe, how can you eat, pray, and love anyway?

-k.


----------------
Now playing: Sara Bareilles - Gravity (Live)
via FoxyTunes