life is SO hard!

i entered the frigid outdoors wincing at the cold and continuously resitatuating myself as i tried to maintain a balancing act between the weight of my work bag with my no hands available carrying stuff method. regardless of weather, i wince at the thought of navigating Times Square, and i grow particularly grumpy in the cold during after-corporate-america-gets-out-of-work o'clock. as i was cutting east i encountered a homeless man shivering on the frozen concrete of a random doorstep, asking me for spare change with dejected puppy dog eyes.

i stopped and gave him change. i then silently thanked him for the change in perspective he gave me.

before our meet cute, i was complaining to myself because i had to carry my MacBook, cellphone, and Venti Starbucks Chai Tea Latte (how is THAT for American?) from my JOB on the 17th floor with such a breathtaking view even New Jersey looks pretty.

my life is SO hard! really, i should have compared notes with the homeless guy that i encountered. i'm sure we'd tally just about even on the "Degree of Challenges in a Given Day" contest. he's forced to find a way to survive on a daily basis, whereas i, have to figure out how to tote around all of my technology.

even worse than complaining about the uncomplainable is that i almost breezed by him without a second thought--which chills me even more than any biting December wind. if i hadn't stopped--if i hadn't just breathed--if i hadn't taken a damn second just to let the true colors shine--i would have moved on, brushing him away with the wisps of snow on my eyelashes.

i started this blog on a plane back from San Francisco. i love flying. the parts that terrifying most people are take off and landing, and i used to be scared of these too. but this time an inexplicable calmness overcame me. daily and on the ground i see pieces of Manhattan building by building. i love calculating each segment and breaking down the city for it's individual value. but flying over the New York shows you just how small a big city can be, and how microscopic individuals i am and my needs are in the big picture. even the brightest buildings shimmered in amber tones below blending into a sea of lights. the chaos of Manhattan panned out into a peaceful big picture quilt of people and concrete and cars and stadiums and parks and fields and everything. rarely do i view new york city as tranquil, and too rarely do i assess how minuscule my needs are in a grander scheme.

i believe firmly in self-prioritization. it's impossible to help others if you need too much help yourself. i believe in balance and faith and nurturing yourself and taking care of you. but remembering that we are of the smallest links in this fabric is important, too.

perspective is an acquired taste. it is natural to live in a box where the "biggest deal to you" is the biggest piece on your plate. not all perspective checks are built into society--you have to find your own way to air on the side of selfless, or selfish if the situation calls for it. it's all relative, but it's also important to remember that it's totally not. if it was really "all relative," we'd all panic over nothing and sweat the small stuff and not help anyone else. then, when something significant knocked us on our ass, we'd not have the wherewithal to seek or give help because nobody else would be delving the same. life can happen in a chain reaction. i want to be a catalyst. if we see problems, internally or externally, the best we can do is fix them. some will always have it better, some will always have it worse, but the equation will never be solved if we don't know where we fit in it. a friend of mine told me she tries to do things better than she did the day before, and that's really as far as she can go. be a better you than you were yesterday is a good way not to let yourself down. looking inside and outside of you won't always yield the most beautiful of images, but it will help you see where you stand. and hey, then you can go from there

if you can't do it on your own, try seat 15A on Virgin Airlines.

-k.
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