ungratitude things.

since i gave a top ten of the things i like, i feel i need to give a top ten of things i'm hatin' on right now. this will probably be much more entertaining.

1) karaoke overenthusiasts: most people reading this are probably pretty shocked that anything to do with karaoke made it on my hatin' list. i love karaoke. i love doing it, i love watching other people do it, i love watching someone with an awesome voice bring the house down, i love watching people do it poorly and/or drunk--as long as you are there to have fun. what i cannot STAND is when people go to karaoke to put on a performance as if Simon Cowell is going to walk in with a record deal and try and make you famous. Broadway and Off Broadway are both theater terms and locations. know the difference; do not blend the two. this isn't your shining moment. your entire audience is trying to get drunk enough to muster up the courage to sing Journey for the sixth time of the night. also, pick a fun song. nobody is impressed that you can sing Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead without looking at the screen because you know all the words. Please stick to Springsteen or Billy Joel and terribly awesome 80s songs. and have FUN.

2) places that aren't New York City: okay this is just a reverse way for me to talk about how much i love New York City. no, i haven't lived anywhere outside of New York State/New Jersey. no, i haven't had enough money to "go to other countries" and "see the world." whatever man, New York City is the center of the world and I'm in the center of it (in an Upper East area). i've been to San Francisco, and Philly, and Chicago, and Nashville, and Boston, and they are all lovely cities with their own unique characteristics that make it possible for other people to delude themselves into thinking they can compete. they can't. it's lame how not New York City they are. granted i've never lived anywhere else or seen a whole lot of other places, but i don't have to. Starbucks open at 6 a.m., bars are open until 4 a.m., and in between there are countless options of things to do regardless of what your interests are. and all of the chaos is surrounded by over 1,500 parks and waterfronts and boroughs that aren't Manhattan. also, we have the Yankees. if midtown didn't exist and the MTA didn't suck, i'd call the city Utopia. there's a reason why New York City is called THE city. it's short for the BEST CITY EVER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD THAT I'VE BARELY SEEN. whatever, it's my blog and i'll be ignorant about it if i want to.

3) the Boston Red Sox. man, if i could wake up every morning in punch Papelbon or Youklis or Pedroia or Lowell or Manny Ramirez or any iconic/previously iconic Red Sox player in the face, i'd never have a bad day--unless they punched back. the only Red Sox player i didn't hate was David Ortiz, and he was found guilty of steroid use after saying that anyone who uses steroids should be suspended from baseball for a year. spoiler alert: he has yet to sit out for an entire season. and his numbers immediately dropped. this means he was fake talented and is a hypocrite. i hate A-Rod as much as the next person (i REALLY hate that guy) but the flack he received as compared to the slap on the wrist David Ortiz received was an absurd disparity considering the influence both players have on their respective teams. i guess when you aren't a vapid womanizing overthinking prick like ARod people cut you slack. anyway, the Red Sox are a terrible team with terrible people and just like places that aren't New York City, they are simply jealous of MY 27 world series rings. that's right. i was on all 27 World Championship teams. i thought about making this blog the top ten red sox of all time that i hate, but there is no way i could narrow it down that much.

4) people that worship Dane Cook or think he should burn in hell: he is a comedian. he never claimed to be the second coming of Jesus Christ. personally, i'm pretty okay with Dane Cook. i think he was funny, then got a little less funny, and now is funny again. people either idolize him and think he will single handedly save the universe or thinking that he is the worst entertainer in the history of entertainment, including beheadings at the guillotine in Maximilien Robespierre's Reign of Terror as "entertainment." i understand that people find his overhyper delivery and frequent use of the phrase "in the face" irritating. but some of his jokes would still be funny to me even if Todd Barry was reading them. also, he has stand up specials where it's just him in front of a microphone. he's a comedian. he's a person. he's a comediperson. yes, it's rare that a comedian sells out MSG three nights in a row, but that is no reflection of him as a person except to say that he's probably an extremely hard worker with some luck and great bookers. the cult on either side is annoying. if you like him, go see him. if you don't, don't go see him. chill out.

5) thinking every Justin Bieber song is a female artist: here is how some conversations with people who have no taste in music (like my little cousins--get with it seven year olds) them: did you hear that new Justin Bieber song? me: oh no i didn't. i listen to real music by musicians (other than my listening to Taylor Swift--we all make mistakes). them: oh it's awesome, it goes like this something about being in love and your eyes and smile, ooo yeah baby and then it features a thing by Usher. me: oh, i thought that was Rhianna or Fergie.

i hate when i don't know the artists, even if those songs are crappy and aren't even music. he also has the face of a female, and i'm pretty sure we had the same swoop bang going on for a while. that's why this log is even a thing: http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/

6) the MTA: . i hate the MTA so much. i have friends from other cities who have repeatedly told me that it's a more efficient system than a lot of other cities, but that just makes me hate other cities that aren't New York even more than i mentioned in item #2. i hate the MTA and how they boost prices for crappier service. more than either of these things, i hate that they have adds on and in the subways bragging about all of the improvement they're making that nobody has yet to see. no, the MTA, the fact that someone developed an app to tell me when your train are(n't) coming does make you any better. "being informed" about how delayed your awful trains are doesn't mean your service is improving, it just means you're communicating how awful you are to me better, which sounds like an abuser's excuse to keep someone in a relationship. i hate your pointless announcements and your train's dispatchers for holding me momentarily and train traffic. how does that even happen, the MTA? i hate you. i hate you so, so much.

7) UGG boots and shorts: or sweaters in shorts. or shorts in the winter time. ladies, it's 27 degrees out. why are you wearing shorts? and why are you wearing them with boots? not even cute or sexy boots--chunky, lined, heavy weight, winter boots that don't hold up well in winter because they're suede. are you worried about your feet being cold when your legs are exposed? and when you layer these shorts with tights, you look like an idiot. wear a skirt. it doesn't look nearly as stupid, plus twirling is fun. don't deny it. i saw someone in UGG boots, shorts with know tights, and a sweater with a beanie on. do your legs not know what season it is?

8) when my phone dies: for years and years i had the worst cell phone in the world. i'm pretty sure it was the first cell phone ever made. now i have an iPhone and it's amazing. it also makes me better than you. i'm still amazed by everything it can do. because i'm constantly playing on it, i kill the battery. also, i'm obsessed with music, so i'm listening to it or taking video of it frequently. as i've reiterated the obvious, i also live in the most amazing city in the world, so i often want to take pictures of everything. when my phone dies, i cannot capture these magic moments or prance through the city with the soundtrack of my life on or watch anything stupid on YouTube or text or use the GPS feature so i don't get lost (streets that aren't numbered are stupid) or e-mail or look things up on the internet. oh, and apparently these things call people too.

9)hanging things up crooked: i can't hang things up straight. even when i have a level i can't do it. the actual walls of my past three apartments haven't been straight, so even when it's hanging straight, it looks crooked in comparison to the rest of the room. i end up just making my dad hang it up for me, but now my parents are being snowbirds and going to Florida. umm hello dad!? you can't hang up things in my room from Florida. you think your daughter of almost 24 years is capable of putting a nail in a wall with a hammer all by herself?! cut me some slack man.

10) the media: okay not in it's entirety. but i hate that Tiger Woods was on the cover of the Post more consecutive days than 9/11 and i hate that Charlie Sheen being a raging lunatic and addict comes before Libya. also, i hate that the media doesn't know what the word exclusive means. Charlie Sheen has like six "exclusive" news interviews. a lot of rich white guys run the media and i wish one of them owned a dictionary.

those are things i currently don't like. for more things that other people don't like, check out Paul Hates You in the stuff i like, too column. he's as angry as he is tall!