i'm not a big reincarnation person. i don't think souls are in a recycling system of any sort. but sometimes i do feel as though god misplaced me in the wrong time era--and not because i have some weird calling tugging me back like some documentary series on the "We" channel. but my appreciation for bright 80's eye shadow--for Glenn Miller's arrangements and John Coltrane's use of modes and saxophone skills--for the stylings of Ancient Egyptian art--it makes me fell like i've missed the mark anywhere between 20 years ago and 3150 B.C.
so the fact that my 'To Do' lists are mounted above my desk on a chalkboard instead of a whiteboard is no surprise. if the restaurants that line the streets of Astoria don't have to make the chalkboard-whiteboard jump when listing their specials, neither does my apartment. even though their artwork is far more impressive than my attempts at flowers, butterflies, and various aquatic creatures that resemble 'The Blob.'
i don't know what it is about the chalkboard that i find so appealing, other than recounting memories of it's presence is my childhood 'Barbie Room,' now a finely staged guest room in my parents' house selling efforts. the feel of chalk on slate is just a different sensation that marker on...white. so despite the dust in my eye, the inability to truly erase your typos with an eraser, and my lack of artistic ability in the chalk medium, i still opt for the chalkboard.
i think it's because there is no better feeling than crossing lines through everything you've accomplished on the list, and ultimately washing it clean to introduce what is new--wiping the slate clean so to speak/type. on a whiteboard, you simply erase what was there with a standard eraser and maybe an elevated version of windex. but a chalkboard demands that you start fresh, ridding the board of dust from crossed off tasks of the past with water and a rag. this inevitably leads to wiping down the whole chalkboard so that the color chalk you use stays a consistent shade wherever you write. or maybe i'm more type A than i acknowledge.
so as my change-of-address form remains crossed off of the list and exchanging my blister-inducing shoes remains, i find myself wiping my slate clean in more ways than this hanging wooden frame.
my room remains organized so i don't have to go on cleaning binges with the end of each week. i am preparing for job interviews, one of which will launch me into my professional life. eating a proper diet (r.i.p. Frank's on Valley st. in South Orange) and consistently appearing at the neighborhood gym doesn't seem so taxing anymore, as opposed to the cameos i previously made. shedding old habits and replacing them with a healthier routine sounds a lot like growing up. naturally this means saying goodbye to some of my previous behavior, and in some cases, people. saying goodbye to both of these is a challenge, but are easier to shake when you move physical locations. what makes it much easier, and ultimately possible, is knowing that it's a step in becoming who you are supposed to be as an adult. unhealthy habits and surrounding cast members will be sorely missed, but it's not worth sacrificing what 'i could be,' and what i will be. missing out on who i could become just isn't worth it. that's not to say that i won't also have my share of fun, but it is to say that it will be on my terms. erasing my mistakes and bulleting a new plan is inevitable at this point.
that's the appeal of wiping your slate clean; there is always something worth writing on it after.
-k.
----------------
Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Dancing Nancies
via FoxyTunes
No comments:
Post a Comment