the trifecta.

everything is turning up hensler right now.

i don't normally write about things like this. it's kind of embarrassing to share, but we met online. i begrudgingly admit that this crush has been developing for a while now. i hadn't told too many people about it--i was sick of getting hurt and getting my hopes up.

so we met in person. i hoped that my hair looked alright. i don't normally get jittery about these things, but i couldn't deny the growing feeling in the pit of the stomach that we both may feel a real connection; that intangible something everyone looks for. i felt my heart swelling in my chest, pounding as loud as the thoughts in my head. i clasped my sweaty palms with an uncomfortable nervousness. he greeted me with a friendly, genuine smile. it was so exciting from beginning to end considering how routine it breaks down on paper. we waited for a table to open up, he offered me a drink, but i politely denied. after a short wait, a table opened up. out the window to my right was a beautiful view of the city that i underappreciate during the daytime. it's always uncomfortable when there are more chairs than people. it's less awkward if you sit across from each other rather than next to each other--it's easier to make eye contact--a common trick. he started to ask questions about who i was--not those typical where are you from, how many siblings do you have type of questions, but i could tell he really wanted to grasp who i was. i countered with (hopefully)clever questions of my own. everything seemed fairly normal. anything that a young lady would put on her checklist came through (personality, financial stability, etc). in one short hour, i was one of the lucky few to find that inexplicable chemistry that everyone looks for. i was giddy with excitement and couldn't wait to hear from him later that week. normally meeting someone for the first time isn't that big of a deal, but i don't fall in love easily, and head over heels doesn't seem that far fetched with this one. i had to slow myself down to stop thinking about the future we could have.

i knew it was love at first sight with this PR firm. i've had a PR crush on LaunchSquad PR since the first time i saw them in PR weekly. and yes, i'm a nerdy enough 23 year old that i follow a trade magazine.

when i was younger i dreamed of being everything from a dancer, to a veterinarian, to a New York Yankee, to a lawyer, to a sports broadcaster. when i got into college, as mentioned in previous posts, i developed a slightly more corporate dream of practicing PR. it's been said that you can't explain to your own mother the definition of "Public Relations." in fact, there are people in this world who think they are practicing PR, and are actually practicing marketing or advertising. with this murkiness, it's easy to see how every firm can do PR a little differently. thus, wide-eyed aspiring PR practitioners/artists/employees/nerds often develop favorites. the lucky ones, and hopefully talented and proactive ones, get hired by their PR superheros, and in this economy are lucky to get hired at all. this Monday, it wasn't a bird, it wasn't a plane. it was LaunchSquad PR calling. they proposed to me a job, and i couldn't have said i do any faster.

two hours later, my sister landed an acting gig in addition to her steady acting job. we were ecstatic, frequently checking in with my fly-by-night adventure mom and dad, who are vacationing/working (respectively) in beautiful Phoenix while my dad is on an account in Arizona. for anyone who knows my mother, we are all startled by how good she has gotten at 1)spontaneously going with the flow 2)sitting still and relaxing.

less than a week prior, i was laid up watching post-season baseball (no complaints) and staring at my white walls while dwelling in unemployed self pity and swelling ankle sprain pain (many complaints). earlier i had been piggybacked to the ER by my friend/savior who had noted that my ankle looked like it was pregnant with another ankle. it seemed like a physical representation of the seven months of job hunting that was soon coming to an end, unknown to me at the time.

less than three months ago i was miserably unemployed, my parents couldn't move their on-the-market home, and my sister was an actress who was humming along at a day job.

now, i am going steady with my PR crush, my sister is an actress both to pay her bills and to practice, and my parents will be living in New York at the end of the month and ignored my phone calls today because they fell asleep at poolside. they aren't as sorry as they pretend. they plan to see the grand canyon while they are out there.

it's amazing how life can change on a whim. at one point, life had changed to losing employment status (and an actual romantic break up), sickness and sinus surgery for my sister, and tons of stress and preparation for a house sale.

but that's what's beautiful about spiraling into unpredictable tunnels of change that are sometimes negative; there is light at the end of it. change happens, for better for worse, as long as LaunchSquad and i shall live.

i'll let you know where we register.
-k.



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Now playing: Phil Collins - You Can't Hurry Love
via FoxyTunes

'that's life'

it seems everything clicks at once. the job, the significant other, the apartment, the inner peace which is ultimately your inner piece.

it seems to all go to shit at once. the economy, the people you were blissfully getting started with, the bed bugs if you haven't yet learned that not manhattan is prone to them again.

our control in these endeavors ranges, and it is the uncontrollable that really pisses me off.

i am not a control freak. but i think by nature we secretly all are a little bit. unless you are one of those weird drifter people who doesn't ever have a home and is on constant vacation because establishing roots 'just isn't their thing.' we are not control freaks because we are power hungry, but because the feeling of not being in control that shakes the comfort out of us. somewhere there is a happy medium. when you find it with a job, you are probably one of those rare people who genuinely gets to 'do what they love' rather than just tells themselves this to get through the 9-to-5. when you find it with a person, you are in love. when you find it with an apartment, you never want to move (and are also in love). the fact that these always seem to coincide, at least in my life, are ultimately what create 'highs' and 'lows.' it's why people come up with cheesy catch phrases/advertising slogans that make you millionaires like 'life is a journey--enjoy the ride.' no offense nissan, but kiss my ass. life as a journey, or a rollercoaster, or a highway if you are tom cochrane is easy. the 'lifeish' part of it is understanding that life seems to be a constant series of adjustments until each piece falls into place, or at least into balance. which is why i suppose so many people get close, but not too close, to love, and live in moderate one bedrooms in Queens, and work at jobs that take up most of their week that they are okay with. they try and manufacture their own balance in a form of settling. i'd rather power through the pain and be more genuinely happy. i think either approach is okay as long as you are satisfied and aren't wading, stuck in the pain.

i don't think you should never be open to what feels comfortable, because then ultimately you never will be. embrace comfortable and secure. but if it's dislodged, work and adjust. if you can't hit the curveball life throws at you, you can't make it in the big leagues. unless you are alfonso soriano in his first season somehow.

a friend of mine recently told me the phrase "try again. fail again. fail better." it's time to learn each time.

-k.