"nothing is impossible for a man who refuses to listen to reason"

ever hear that repulsive motivational phrase "shoot for the moon--if you miss you will land among the stars?"

well it's stupid. you don't always land among the stars. sometimes you land in a black hole. i don't know a lot about science, but 1) i know something about metaphors kind of and 2) wikipedia has an entry on black holes, which means the following definition may or may not be true. and what i have to say after is subjective, too.

a black hole, according to the general theory of relativity, is a region of space from which nothing, including light, can escape. the gravitational force of a black hole is so strong it destroys the matter it intakes.

so shoot for the moon, and you may land among the stars. but you may also end up feeling like you are in an inescapable suck-hole that is ripping you apart. great!

when we dive in headfirst to something, either our greatest hopes or greatest fears will be confirmed. there is an undeniable feeling buzzing like neon through our bones that indicates to us that whatever we are so damn hellbent on is supposed to unfold this way. and so it goes. and so we go. we go with blinders on. we go with a grain of salt on others inputs. to paraphrase john mayer's 'Edge of Desire,' we go back on the things we believe. we defy logic. we deny truth. all for this one love that we are stuck on, be it romantic, family, friendship, career, moving, etc.
there is a very thin line between looking like the best and bravest in your tunnel vision and ambition and being proven a fool.

i try to avoid politics in my blog, mostly because i write like a hippie and think like conservative. also, this is not a political forum. this is about FEELINGS. however, if you are a communications nerd, no matter how liberal you are, you just may concede that Ronald Reagan knew how to work a speech--just as many Republicans can concede that Obama also knows how to work a speech (fair and balanced, America). in the book Reagan, In His Own Hand: The Writings of Ronald Reagan That Reveal His Revolutionary Vision for America, it is revealed that when Reagan said "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" it was against advice of everyone in his cabinet. this phrase, which now rings in a historic triumph, was uttered in the most ill-advised manner. but when your gut overpowers the advice of the highest ranking officials and communication guides in the country, you go with it. whenever a high level of risk is involved, you will face adversity, because you could end up in a black hole. but you may also land among the stars, or even hit the original moon target itself.

sometimes we are stuck on something, we go for it, and we end up the fool. the communicative George Bush of guts. sometimes it yields a heartbreaking downfall. we have to admit everyone was right. we should have listened to logic. we should have seen the truth. we should have seen ourselves. but also, we can't entirely regret it, because if you didn't follow your gut, the curiosity would eat away at you, and there are better ways to get abs to let The Situation of instincts vs. logic get the best of you. this is the black hole. we are torn apart with regret and fear and anger. there is a force so great it feels like we can't escape. we see no light, or if we do see light, it's so blinding we can't stand to see it. but the beauty about black holes is that this damage is just based on theory. we don't really know what happens in a black hole, although this is what we assume. similarly, our damage may just be a theory that leads to a better understanding of ourselves.

why did we follow our gut if we were going to ended up gutted? why would we be given instincts that drive us to such an ugly end? the easy answer is because the world is out to get us. there is no god. and if there is one he's out to smite you. life sucks. the real answer is because this is exactly how life is supposed to go. sometimes you have to let go of your plan, and how you think life is supposed to be. sometimes you have to have trust and faith, and even more importantly trust in faith. otherwise what is around the corner will always be dim. you will let damage win. you will never risk. you will always run. and if you run far enough, you will have dodged both your fears and wants, and then the only thing touching you is that initial anvil that slammed you, and you won't get any of the good stuff. helen keller said “when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us.” she lived with out two of our basic fundamental human components. she wins. the potential to grow from what proved you a tragic hero awaits. don't waste it.

-k.

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more lessons from the reservoir.

there's a bird in central park that is braver than i am.

at 89th and lexington there is an entrance to a 1.3 mile loop around a resevoir that continually serves as restoration for my mental health. it has kept me from going crazy in my Manhattan-sized apartment, and keeps the asylum-like white walls from closing in on me, though i'd rather be discontent with unemployment than satisfied with laziness.

but i found my sometimes overlypensive self at my favorite part of the resevoir where you can pinpoint the union between the old museum architecture and the sleek design of today's modern buildings. but on this day i wasn't spotting these differences or absorbing the reflected sun rays off of the glassy water like in the ending scene in the Little Mermaid.

i was watching a duck. it's not really a duck, but it kind of looks like one. it has darker coloring, and a longer neck, but it's not a swan either. it's smaller and skinnier and a goose. i don't know what this mystery waterbird is, but it's the coolest not-duck-goose-or-swan i've ever seen.

this bird was too good for the cheerios the four year old girl next to me was throwing at it, disappointed by her ignored efforts. this bird didn't wait for the bits of old sandwich to drift it's way after some corporate suit probably carlessly threw in the water as his lunch break leftovers. this bird didn't wait for anything to float toward it. this bird spotted it's food below the surface and completely immersed itself to get it. it's whole body dove underwater in the blink of an eye to tackle it's food. the bird would sometimes come up satisfied, and sometimes come up blank. though the bird doesn't have the most expressive facial features or any real postural difference to indicate it's emotions, i don't think this bird ever regretted diving in head first.

and there i was pondering why oh why the jobs i applied for weren't calling me back. fighting the economy is a full court press, and really it's own full time job. sometimes i have the fire to hunt like this bird, and sometimes i'm burnt out and would rather have the job posts thrown my way. but goals, and on some level dreams, don't get tossed to you by toddlers with cheerio-stocked parents and cubicle slaves on their lunchbreak.

i'm surrounded by a lot of artists and seeing the fierocity that they tackle their daily routines with is inspiring. for many, staying creatively active means being up before everyone else and not sleeping until the long after the 9-to-5ers are counting sheep. they, too, immerse themselves fully in their craft, sometimes fruitfully and sometimes leaving them emptyhanded. but with the same stoic expression and upright position, they march on in the face of the grinding effort and in the name of art, often times pushing their way against the current. this inspired lifestyle relights my engine when it is out as i try and manuever my way to a 40+ hour work week.

we should all have a bird brain.
-k.